Kids Are Creepy

Out of the mouths of babes… A Reddit thread was started called, “Parents of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing your young child has ever said to you?” HOLY FUCK! After reading some of the comments on this thread, i’m almost convinced that all children are demons, and the reason teenagers are so moody is because the demons are being exorcised.

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Here are some of the best worst:

I was tucking in my two year old. He said “Good bye dad.” I said, “No, we say good night.” He said “I know. But this time it’s good bye.”

 

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, “the man.” To which I replied, “what man?” She then pointed at the closet and said, “the man with the snake neck.” I turn around and nothing was there. I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet.

 

My five year old son asked me last week “what do you see through the black circles in my eyes when you’re controlling me when I’m at school?”

 

I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.

 

I jokingly asked: “What’s the best way to get a girlfriend?”
7-year-old’s response: “Tell her to be my girlfriend or she’ll never see her parents again.”

 

“Before I was born here, I had a sister, right? Her and my other Mom are so old now. They were ok when the car was on fire, but I sure wasn’t!” He was maybe 5 or 6 years old? It was totally out of the blue..

 

I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off.” The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds.

 

My 5 year old at the time had night terrors and would scream in her sleep. One night I said “mama’s here its okay”. She looked right at me still asleep and screamed “mama? But who is that behind you?”

 

5 year old: “Mommy, when you die I want to put you in a glass jar so I can keep you and see you forever.” To which the 6 year old responds: “That’s stupid. Where are you gonna find a jar that big?”

 

A friend of mine’s child told him, “Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want.”

 

I don’t have kids, but once, visiting some friends on a farm, my buddy’s youngest girl (5 or 6) at the time, was afraid of the chickens. I tried to explain to her that the chickens weren’t there to hurt us but she wasn’t having it. So I’m sitting around the fire pit, looking at one of the chickens a few feet in front of me when I feel hot breath in my ear as she whispers: “See. He’s always watching.”

 

Walking through a graveyard to “visit” some departed family members, we walked across the grave of a baby boy who died shortly after being born. There’s a family relationship, so we know for a fact the mother is still alive. My 4 year old son turned to my wife and said “Why is that baby crying? Why won’t his mom hug him?”

 

My daughter said to me that there is a woman who watches her watch movies in her room and sleeps on the ceiling above her bed when she sleeps. She also says it does not like me and wants to eat my heart. My kid watches Elmo and fucking Dinosaur Train. Where in the hell did she get this from?

 

“My three-year-old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for a while then turned and looked at me and said, ‘Daddy, it’s a monster we should bury it.”