Get Home Safe For R20 A Month!

When i first heard that Dial Direct was offering a “taxi” service for R20/month, i was a little confused… but i suppose it does make sense. At the end of the day, if they’re getting their clients home safe, they’re saving themselves money in the long run. I’m also pretty much behind anything that gives you another option to driving drunk.

So Dial Direct has launched an awesome campaign that reminds us how dangerous our drunk selves can really be. Take a listen to some examples here. The brand is offering consumers two cab rides per month for only R20 with their Designated Driver Assist product. R20!!

The guys have created a website, that can only be described as the web-baby of ‘Texts From Last Night’ and ‘Buzzfeed’ where they’ve got a compilation of hilarious drunk texts > www.BuzzedFeed.co.za

So the next time you think about spending your last twenty bucks on a boerie roll or a coke, just remember that the best decision you can make on a drunken night is one made in advance. One that will save your life, and those around you.

Want to sign up to this service right now with Dial Direct?  Head on over to Dial Direct here and make the responsible choice.

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NUGTELLA!

Before i share with you this magical MAGICAL invention… i have to say: I am by NO MEANS telling you to break the law, or setting out to make ‘breaking the law’ look extremely delicious.

Nugtella is a “medical marijuana hazelnut spread”… so basically, it’s Nutella + NUG (hash).

ULTIMATE FOOD PORN!

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Of course, it’s from the U.S.A… California to be precise. You can also only get your hands on the stuff if you are a California State Medical Marijuana Card holder. When are we going to allow the same to be done in S.A?!

If you’re interested in reading more about weed in SA… check it:

“Unlike Americans, South Africans do not have the luxury of being allowed to decide our laws at a provincial or national level via policies that have been petitioned and qualified for a public vote. We instead have our freedom and liberty defined by politicians who consistently display how out of touch they are or how little they care for the citizens of South Africa, often using our Constitution as little more than an occasional guideline that can be ignored if it does not fit their agenda.”

More on: belowthelion.co.za

White People Problems

I have no doubt that there will be immense backlash after i’ve written this piece, but…

4db77_ORIG-look_at_all_the_fucks_i_giveI will be the first to admit that i am not anywhere near an authority on rhino poaching or environmental affairs… but i hadn’t quite realized, up until now, that there were people who stood against the preservation of animals (and anything that isn’t human). I just took it for-granted that everybody was just as outraged as i was by poachers sneaking into our beautiful country and murdering nearly-extinct animals for unproven medicinal uses.

I was browsing the internet, devouring as much as information as i could, when i came across a post on Reddit about the Western Black Rhino being officially extinct. I did a little research just to check that it was true, there’s nothing worse than jumping on a band-wagon that has no wheels. I took to Twitter to share the news, this was my tweet: “The Western Black Rhino is officially extinct. Well done humanity.” With this pic attached >

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Little did i know that a shitstorm was brewing. At first, i got the replies i was expecting… other tweeters who were just as saddened by the news, people who were outraged that we live in a generation that has seen the extinction of such an amazing creature. In all honesty, we have the right to be even more outraged than anyone else around the world, this is happening on our doorstep! In our own country! For the benefit of Asian penises!!

Then… i got the first reply: “We doing okay without the Dodo, we’ll be fine.” And the second: “#whitepeopleproblems” and lastly: “Its evolution,this has got nothing to do with humanity. Dinosaurs were extinct do you blame humanity too.” There were a couple other choice tweets, but these are by far the best worst.

What. The. Fuck. I thought it was “us” against “them”. I hadn’t realized that the problem is just so much bigger than Asians poaching Rhinos. It’s that people in our own country couldn’t care less, and that nature conservation is seen as a #whitepeopleproblem. This makes me wonder whether the reason that Rhino poaching has gone on for so long, and nothing successful has ever really been done by Government is because the people making the decisions, in Parliament and the like, actually don’t see what the big deal is…

I can see it now, some fat cat sitting behind a desk gets another letter/email pleading for funding to help save the Rhinos by hiring more border guards or a helicopter to patrol the area, and he laughs quietly to himself while thinking “white people *sigh* “.

There are loads of reasons as to why we are sitting with people who think this way, but i don’t want this to get any uglier than it already is.

I suppose i’m just a little confused. Disappointed. What do we do to not only fix the rhino situation, but also to make everyone understand that we’re so lucky to live in such a beautiful country… but the only reason that it is still beautiful, is because there are people FIGHTING to keep it that way?

I’m going to leave you with another story, make of it what you will… It is paraphrased, but the sentiment is still spot on, and i tried to remember the quotes as accurately as possible.

A friend of a friend is a lecturer at one of the top universities in the country. After a class, she was chatting to one of the young guys about homework or something. Two of his friends were standing with him, waiting for their friend, so they could all leave together. While she’s chatting to him, she notices the other guys needlessly throwing away some unused paper. Being a “teacher”, i suppose she saw this as a teaching moment, and said to them that they shouldn’t throw away so much unused paper… that they could save money if they were more sparing, and “what about the trees?”. A phrase you’ve probably heard a thousand times in your life, rainforests, trees, paper, etc. You get the idea.

*laughing* “But what about the trees, Miss?! Why do we care about trees? What about humans?!” (then something about the fact that everything is for humans to take, and we don’t need trees)

“Well, guys, trees provide oxygen… and without oxygen, we can’t breathe”

*all 3 guys in stitches laughing*

“TREES DON’T GIVE US OXYGEN!! That’a a lie! If trees give us oxygen, then how do people on boats breathe?!”

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The above story is NOT a joke. This actually happened. At a University. And University students are supposed to be the most educated. This implies that, possibly, a lot of what is being taught by schools, isn’t being believed.

Oh What A Night… A Jersey Boys Review

If I was to say to you the name ‘Frankie Castelluccio’ I think that 99.9% of you wouldn’t know who I was talking about. If I called him Frankie Valli then a few more I think would know him, and if I added his “Four Seasons” I reckon there would be a few more light bulbs switch on…

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However, the fact of the matter is that I’d put money on the fact that hardly any of our generation, my generation, will recognise the name of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, and even less of them care about a musical that was produced based on their story. It’s my job to implore you to care…

Myself, I’ve got quite an eclectic music taste. Due to the music I was brought up on my range goes from The Eagles to Skrillex and from The Beatles to Mumford & Sons, the way I see it is that if it sounds good, then listen to it.

Funnily enough I think that even someone who has no clue about the Four Seasons will know at least a handful of their songs if they see the show. Classics such as ‘Bye, Bye Baby’, ‘Oh What A Night’ and ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ have been played in many an advert over the years and some of them have even been covered recently… Remember ‘Beggin’’ by Madcon? Yeah, that wasn’t his.

Jersey Boys, the story of the Rock and Roll Hall of Famers from New Jersey, tells the rags to riches tale of a bunch of young lads, some with a bit of talent, some with a lot of it, who went on to become one of the biggest selling musical groups of all time, selling around 100 million records around the world.

The girlfriend recently took me to see the show and I think it says a lot that not only myself, a fan of the group, but her, someone who had never heard of them, enjoyed the show thoroughly.

It’s got a brilliant storyline, one that includes the surprise inclusion of Goodfellas star, Joe Pesci, a top-notch soundtrack and a nice level of humour. If you’re not grinning by the end of it then you’ve probably got no heart.

Emerging from the rough streets of New Jersey in the 1930s and 40s the boys didn’t all have the greatest of upbringings, and they had their fair share of brushes with the law and the mob bosses of the time in order to hit the peak that they climbed to.

In 2006, the year after the musical launched on Broadway, Jersey Boys won four Tony Awards, including Best Musical, before going on to land Best New Musical at the Laurence Olivier Awards two years later following it’s UK launch.

The show is in Jo’burg at the minute but will soon be heading down to the Western Cape to hit Cape Town. If you’re in JHB make sure you see it before they bugger off, and if you’re in the Mother City then get your tickets bought, you won’t regret it. In this case Silence isn’t golden…

– Joe Crann

SHOW ENDS 9 JUNE 2013 at Monte Casino, Johannesburg!

SHOW STARTS 19 JUNE 2013 at Artscape Theatre, Cape Town!

ALL INFO on: www.jerseyboys.co.za

Kids Are Creepy

Out of the mouths of babes… A Reddit thread was started called, “Parents of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing your young child has ever said to you?” HOLY FUCK! After reading some of the comments on this thread, i’m almost convinced that all children are demons, and the reason teenagers are so moody is because the demons are being exorcised.

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Here are some of the best worst:

I was tucking in my two year old. He said “Good bye dad.” I said, “No, we say good night.” He said “I know. But this time it’s good bye.”

 

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, “the man.” To which I replied, “what man?” She then pointed at the closet and said, “the man with the snake neck.” I turn around and nothing was there. I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet.

 

My five year old son asked me last week “what do you see through the black circles in my eyes when you’re controlling me when I’m at school?”

 

I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.

 

I jokingly asked: “What’s the best way to get a girlfriend?”
7-year-old’s response: “Tell her to be my girlfriend or she’ll never see her parents again.”

 

“Before I was born here, I had a sister, right? Her and my other Mom are so old now. They were ok when the car was on fire, but I sure wasn’t!” He was maybe 5 or 6 years old? It was totally out of the blue..

 

I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off.” The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds.

 

My 5 year old at the time had night terrors and would scream in her sleep. One night I said “mama’s here its okay”. She looked right at me still asleep and screamed “mama? But who is that behind you?”

 

5 year old: “Mommy, when you die I want to put you in a glass jar so I can keep you and see you forever.” To which the 6 year old responds: “That’s stupid. Where are you gonna find a jar that big?”

 

A friend of mine’s child told him, “Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want.”

 

I don’t have kids, but once, visiting some friends on a farm, my buddy’s youngest girl (5 or 6) at the time, was afraid of the chickens. I tried to explain to her that the chickens weren’t there to hurt us but she wasn’t having it. So I’m sitting around the fire pit, looking at one of the chickens a few feet in front of me when I feel hot breath in my ear as she whispers: “See. He’s always watching.”

 

Walking through a graveyard to “visit” some departed family members, we walked across the grave of a baby boy who died shortly after being born. There’s a family relationship, so we know for a fact the mother is still alive. My 4 year old son turned to my wife and said “Why is that baby crying? Why won’t his mom hug him?”

 

My daughter said to me that there is a woman who watches her watch movies in her room and sleeps on the ceiling above her bed when she sleeps. She also says it does not like me and wants to eat my heart. My kid watches Elmo and fucking Dinosaur Train. Where in the hell did she get this from?

 

“My three-year-old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for a while then turned and looked at me and said, ‘Daddy, it’s a monster we should bury it.”

 

 

 

 

Red Bull Illume 2013

Red Bull Illume, the world’s premier international photography competition dedicated to action and adventure sports!

It was created to showcase the most exciting and creative sports photography on the planet and the good news is that submissions are still open! You have until April 30th to enter, so around 6 weeks left.

How rad would it be if there was a South African in the Top 50, maybe even the Top 10? We have some pretty amazing action & adventure sports in South Africa with some of the most beautiful backdrops in the world. RIGHT now – the Absa Cape Epic is underway, i’m sure there are loads of great photo opportunities there!

The Image Quest 2013 will be the 3rd edition of the competition after 2007 and 2010. From tens of thousands of entries, 50 images in ten categories are selected by international judges and photo editors from renowned publications.

© Chris Burkard. Overall Winner, Red Bull Illume 2010

The top 50 Red Bull Illume finalists will be invited to attend a grand ceremony in the city of Hong Kong where the winners will be unveiled. Once the winners have been announced these 50 finalist images then travel around the world as a unique and stand-alone photo exhibition. To showcase the illumination, the exhibitions always open at night-time only.

The overall winner of the 2010 Image Quest was Chris Burkard (USA). His image (above) of surfer Peter Mendia riding the waves off Chile’s West Coast won universal praise from the judges.

Keen to enter? Check it: Red Bull Illume 2013

Here are some of the finalists from 2010, across a few of the categories:

New App – iMadeFace

The new iMadeFace app, available in the Apple Store, helps turn your face into a cartoon! Here are some that have already been created of celebrities you might recognize: