Come And Sit On Santa’s Lap

I’ve always had a healthy fear of Father Christmas growing up and to prove this, there is a particularly entertaining photograph of me as a toddler sitting on his knee mere seconds away from screaming. The photographer knew what he was doing, so he took the happy snap moments before i tore Santa’s eardrums apart with my bawling. As i look at the photographs below, i can’t help but feel a sense of pride that these kids (and baby me) knew that there is NOTHING ok with old men disguised as Father Christmas getting children to sit on their lap all day.

The thing is, my mom didn’t ‘believe’ in lying to me about the existence of an omniscient and eternal gift giver living in the North Pole… so i never wrote letters, set milk and cookies out or checked under the tree for a gift marked “From: Father Christmas”. As a result, i knew that those guys in the mall dressed up as FC were just that, creepy old men in disguises. Even as a 4 year old it felt innately wrong that hundreds of little kids would sit on these old dudes’ laps asking for presents…

Thank God i’m not the only one… And if the last photo doesn’t give you chills – you shouldn’t have kids cause you obviously can’t spot a peado…

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